Have you just finished university? Proud of your grades? Job hunting? Then take a look at some cruicial tips that myself and @JonathanEx cooked up to get you on the rocky road to employment. @Jack_Dobson recommends The Aldridge and Cresswell Advice Bureau; ”As a result of all of this sound advice, I have no doubts that I’m going to get this job!”
- Imagine EVERYONE naked. Be wary of mirrors.
- Don’t overly touch the interviewers face and crotch.
- Remove all fireworks from your pockets
- Don’t walk into the room backwards.
- Imagine they are naked. By undressing them mid-interview. It’ll help with the mental image.
- Make sure the balls don’t touch.
- When they ask if you have any questions, this is the time to ask ‘why does it always rain on me’.
- Also “Why do birds suddenly appear?”
- Refuse to answer any difficult questions while your lawyer isn’t present
- Using cockney rhyming slang helps demonstrate your creative side for any job that involves original ideas
- …as well as your ability to communicate with the locals.
- Using grunts can also help demonstrate this.
- Learn to deliver a child for the interview. Just in case the interviewer is heavily pregnant.
- Giving bitings of your fingernails as a neatly wrapped present makes a great icebreaker
- Take an empty egg box in case one of the interviewers lays an egg during the interview. This avoids any potential awkwardness or distraction if the egg rolls across the floor.
- Many interviewers like it if you overly touch their face and crotch.
- If applying to a youth publication, deliver all answers in rap to show you are down with the kids.
- But don’t confuse that with going down on the kids, as that’s illegal
- Go down on the interviewers. Little circles.
- If you HAVE to take a recess to snack on Poptarts then don’t rustle the packaging too much and ask politely before plugging in your microwave (Travelling with a toaster is troublesome. If if tips over then you’ll get crumbs everywhere).
- Only teleport into the interview room if you’ve been given permission in writing before the interview.
- Don’t forget to bring party gifts. Give than interviewer a yoyo. Interviewers love yoyos.
